So, this past weekend was just about the end of me.
It started on Wednesday that things just were not in sync. For all of my efforts of meeting with an executive within the Victory Nutrition organization, to some things happening with my kids at their school, nothing seemed to be going right.
During this stretch, my business was going through a bit of a lull and processes just seemed off. I was quite frustrated with…well everything! It is the first time in a very long time that I just felt like I wasn’t in control. The negative thoughts started to roll in – they saw an opening. My primal underman first asked: “What are you doing this for? Why fight and struggle to educated people? If they don’t get it, it’s their fault. You’ve paid your dues, understand and can go further without dead weight and a heavy burden…forget them!”
Speaking frankly – this depressed the shit out of me! Yes me….depressed. Think I’m lying? How many tweets did you see from me Thursday thru Sunday? Facebook posts? My Webcast had to be cancelled on Thursday. I was in the toilet as far as my motive and conviction to continue on this road that I have been on for the better part of 6 years. So I did what some with less insight to these bigger questions do….I crawled up into my bed and watched tv. Yep…..me and the bed and blu ray high definition!
There I stayed with the exception of picking my kids up from school and those chores that are required. Short of that, I wasn’t much use to anyone let alone myself.
Saturday, my mood was actually slightly better but not much. I spent the bulk of the day trying to figure out what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Yes, you read that right, I had subconsciously already decided to move on. My paradigm had completely switched just like that!
Then I began to think about how I got started in fitness. Ordering my grappling mats and dummies from Combat sports International for my home gym. Training endless hours and believing in myself when nobody else did. Reading up on foods and exercises that provided the best results. Requesting a personal trainers certification manual from the National Federation of Professional Trainers (NFPT) and International Fitness Association (IFA) – I ended up getting certified through both associations. Understanding that my purpose wasn’t so much about mixed martial arts, but more about helping others understand their potential. My jiu jitsu training suffered many years because my focus was on my personal training and nutrition certification and starting a fitness business. Then I had the notion to open my own gym…
I didn’t have a babysitter when I started my first fitness studio, so my daughter would sleep on my grappling dummy “Renzo.” My son would be asleep in a hammock chair.
my jiu jitsu mats for when I didn’t have any clients so I could train. Introduced my kids to the thing I love just as much as them!
By Saturday evening I understood how badly I allowed myself to get, but also how freakin strong I was mentally! I started out on a quest to help others with their fitness, nutrition and the conditioning of their minds to withstand anything that wasn’t in alignment with their dreams and goals. Now the question was: “What’s my next move?”
So enter Sunday, a day devoted to the LaRochester men, my son and I. What do you know, he wants to watch Transformers – wow big surprise! I get him off Power Rangers and now addicted to Transformers! – Talk about can’t catch a break! Well, in one of the movies, there is a point where the character “Sam” has to revive Optimus Prime with the matrix of leadership. It is his will and belief in the “ideal” that somehow all will be done because he won’t quit until Optimus is revived! That was the spark or thing to snap me all the way back. See, when I write posts to you, it’s not that I am superhuman…I have my days and moments as well. It is always how you recover and gain clarity on the things that will truly define you by pushing you further to accomplish and persevere or bury you where you stand.
I want you to know that if I can look within myself and understand that my “feelings” almost caused me to make a huge mistake, you could be doing the same in your life as well. Take your time and get clear on why you would continue to do – or not do something. Be sure that it is rational and not emotional…there is a huge difference. Keep your feelings on the surface and make an informed decision about your life’s work. These are the times to know what you are made of and what your contribution to society is. If you have a quality let it define you…whatever it is. I almost quit on my quality of devotion to helping others because of my feelings. Be thankful for a strong mind to keep you in the game even when you have one foot out. I am deeply thankful today.
Thank you for reading. Have a great week!